Waiting. I have become something of a professional in this, for I have been waiting to be healed for almost 14 years now. When I first became ill, in November of 2003, I thought it was just some kind of virus, and I’d be back to full health in a week or two. But the weeks stretched on and on, and soon became months, and then years, and I was still waiting to be well. Appointments with doctor after doctor resulted in nothing. No one knew what was wrong, and still I waited. And even now, after finally getting a diagnosis and beginning a treatment, I am continuing to wait. In fact, after my car accident set me back to my worst levels ever, the healing seems to be even further away.
So, I wait.
But what I have learned about waiting, is that it is not a passive thing. Well, it can be passive, where one simply sits and tries to have hope, but that results in discouragement, when there seems to be no progress. If I just sit back and look at my years of illness behind me, and look ahead to more years of illness, the waiting brings no hope. So I have learned to wait in trust. I make the decision to be an active part of the waiting process, not a passive observer. I trust God to be with me during the wait, to be by my side, holding my hand, caring for me and guiding me, even when I don’t see the path. I am working with God in this time of waiting. This kind of waiting is definitely not passive, indeed, it requires much effort, mentally and spiritually. I have to decide, each and every day, whether I believe God and trust God, or I sit back in my own understanding, and despair.
Waiting in trust results in peace and hope. I have peace, because I know God is with me. I have hope, because I know God is guiding me. This kind of waiting is not always easy - some days I feel like I just don’t have the strength to keep going. But when those days come, I fall back to the foundation, which is God. I remind myself that God is love and God is good. Those are truths I know in the deepest part of my being, so I can always fall back to that foundation, and know that the trust will naturally proceed from there.
Besides, I’m not really a passive type of person. It is not in my nature to just sit back and wait passively! So, each day I decide: today I will trust. And though I still wait, I wait in hope.
