Waiting

Waiting. I have become something of a professional in this, for I have been waiting to be healed for almost 14 years now. When I first became ill, in November of 2003, I thought it was just some kind of virus, and I’d be back to full health in a week or two. But the weeks stretched on and on, and soon became months, and then years, and I was still waiting to be well. Appointments with doctor after doctor resulted in nothing. No one knew what was wrong, and still I waited. And even now, after finally getting a diagnosis and beginning a treatment, I am continuing to wait. In fact, after my car accident set me back to my worst levels ever, the healing seems to be even further away. 

So, I wait. 

But what I have learned about waiting, is that it is not a passive thing. Well, it can be passive, where one simply sits and tries to have hope, but that results in discouragement, when there seems to be no progress. If I just sit back and look at my years of illness behind me, and look ahead to more years of illness, the waiting brings no hope. So I have learned to wait in trust. I make the decision to be an active part of the waiting process, not a passive observer. I trust God to be with me during the wait, to be by my side, holding my hand, caring for me and guiding me, even when I don’t see the path. I am working with God in this time of waiting. This kind of waiting is definitely not passive, indeed, it requires much effort, mentally and spiritually. I have to decide, each and every day, whether I believe God and trust God, or I sit back in my own understanding, and despair.

Waiting in trust results in peace and hope. I have peace, because I know God is with me. I have hope, because I know God is guiding me. This kind of waiting is not always easy - some days I feel like I just don’t have the strength to keep going. But when those days come, I fall back to the foundation, which is God. I remind myself that God is love and God is good. Those are truths I know in the deepest part of my being, so I can always fall back to that foundation, and know that the trust will naturally proceed from there. 

Besides, I’m not really a passive type of person. It is not in my nature to just sit back and wait passively! So, each day I decide: today I will trust. And though I still wait, I wait in hope.

This post is part of the synchroblog on waiting, to celebrate the release of Those Who Wait: Finding God in Disappointment, Doubt and Delay by Tanya Marlow – out now. See more here and link up to the synchroblog here.

Stories

Everyone has a story, but in the hustle and bustle of life, we tend to forget that. The woman who just cut you off in traffic? She's a single mom, working two jobs, and she's afraid her oldest boy is experimenting with drugs. She's at the end of her rope, desperate for help, but feels all alone. That checker in the grocery store who didn't greet you with a smile? He's desperately trying to save enough money to go to college, but the boss keeps cutting back his hours. He feels trapped. That little old lady walking sooo slowly across the intersection, making you wait an extra 5 seconds before driving on? Her husband recently died, and she's afraid she can't live by herself any longer, but she still devotes her free time to knitting gloves and hats for the homeless.

If we could see each person's story, then maybe we would realize that we are all connected, and we all share one core story: we are each just trying to do our best in a sometimes cruel and harsh world. So, the next time someone tries your patience, take a step back, look at them as a real person, and realize that they are just like you. Then smile and wish them well. You'll feel better for it, and so will they. And that's no small achievement in this world!

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday link-up.

Depend

When you are chronically ill, you learn a lot about dependence. Because you can no longer depend on your own body or strength. Before I became ill, I was quite self-sufficient. I was physically strong, and could easily handle tasks that others might have found difficult, such as stacking wood or moving furniture. Now that I am ill, simply getting dressed is tiring!

So, since I can no longer depend on myself, whom do I depend on? Well, pretty much everyone else! First of all, I depend on my husband. He does all the household chores, inside and out. He buys groceries. He picks up my - numerous - prescriptions. He walks the dog. He brings in firewood for me. He pretty much does it all - and, bless him, he never complains! (Yes, I'm married to the perfect man - sorry, ladies!)

I also depend on my friends. Since driving is physically taxing, I depend on friends to take me to all of my medical appointments: physical therapy, massage, mental health counseling, etc. It makes a huge difference when I can get a ride, as it saves me so much energy! I also depend on my friends to pray for me. Their support and encouragement is something I cherish. I really do have great friends!

Of course, mostly, I depend on God. It is God's strength that keeps me going, day after day after day. Being chronically ill is hard, both physically and mentally. But I have learned that God is with me, even on the bad days - especially on the bad days! God carries me through. God holds me. God catches my tears when I cry. God gives me the strength to carry on.

My chronic illness has taught me many things, but one of the most important things is that I know whom I can depend on!


This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday link-up!

Tips for Traveling for a Medical Appointment

When you are chronically ill, traveling can be difficult. But you often need to travel to see specialists. This is an article I wrote for The Mighty, an advocacy site for people with disabilities. I hope it is helpful.

Tips for Traveling for a Medical Appointment