Tired? Let me tell you about tired. The past fourteen years, tired is the defining trait of my life. I wake up tired, I go through the day tired, I go to bed tired. It doesn't matter how long I sleep, I don't wake up refreshed and rested. It's one of the hallmark traits of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). This is not a "sleepy" tired - this is every muscle in your body feeling like it's just done an IronMan. It's feeling like you weigh 500 pounds, so that even getting dressed is a strenuous workout. It's being so fatigued, that you can't take a shower every day - even using a shower chair - because you just don't have the energy.
Tired? I don't remember what it feels like to NOT be tired.
[This post is part of the Five Minute Friday link-up.]
Friday, March 9, 2018
Wednesday, March 7, 2018
Acceptance Doesn't Mean Giving Up
I think one of the hardest things in life is learning to accept things as they are, instead of moaning about them and feeling frustrated because "This shouldn't have happened to me!" And then also learning that acceptance doesn't mean giving up. Let me give you an example from my own life.
All my life, I was an athlete, competing in any sport that I could. I honestly don't remember a time when I didn't consider myself an athlete. I competed in all the sports I could find during school and college. After leaving college, I continued to compete in a variety of sports, and working out daily was just part of my life. But then, at age 47, I was struck down by an illness that took all of that away. And by age 56 I was totally disabled and unable to work, and can now barely take care of myself. It was a huge blow to what I had hoped and planned for my life, and it was certainly unfair that it happened! I mean, I was super healthy, ate right, didn't smoke, didn't drink, never did drugs. And yet everything I loved about my life was taken away from me by some stupid disease! All my hopes and dreams were shattered. I was, understandably, quite upset about it all. But through lots of counseling sessions, I came to realize that this new life was my life. I had to learn to adjust to a "new normal" - a life where I have to be so careful with my energy expenditure that I can't shower every day, and I need to limit outings to no more than twice a week. This was my life. It served no purpose for me to keep thinking "But I used to be able to work out 3 hours a day!" Or, "I used to be able to clean the whole house in one go!" Or, "This shouldn't have happened to me!" I had to face facts - I was disabled, and that was now normal for me. I had to accept my new normal. Once I accepted this, I was freed from the comparison game - "But I used to be able to..." and freed from bitterness at the unfairness of it all. I could move forward with life, as best I could, given my new normal.
But - and this is vitally important - accepting my new normal didn't mean I gave up on finding a diagnosis or treatment. It took almost 13 years, but I did finally get a diagnosis, and I am finally on a treatment that is beginning to work. I also didn't give up on finding a purpose for life, and finding joy in life. I just had to pursue these things differently. Instead of finding joy in a great workout, I found joy in a great cup of coffee, or snuggling by the fire, or reading a good book. I found a purpose in becoming a supporter and encourager for others who are facing hard times (hence this blog). I continued to grow spiritually, by reading a wide variety of religious teachers and learning the ways of contemplative prayer. I started meditating, which continues to teach me how to better respond to emotions. In short, I accepted my new life, but I didn't give up on life in general. I decided that since I was going to be sick, I might as well make the best of it. Even if I couldn't get better, I didn't have to get bitter.
So, maybe you're facing health issues, or you have financial problems, or you just feel stuck in a rut. And you think that it's all unfair and you shouldn't be dealing with these problems. And maybe you're right. But you are! The problems are real. And the sooner you accept that the problems exist, and stop comparing your current life with your old one (or with other people's lives), and stop complaining about how unfair it all is, the sooner you can learn to either deal with those problems (if they're fixable) or learn to live despite the problems (if they aren't fixable). Accept reality for what it is, and you're on the road to wholeness.* Accept your new normal, but don't give up on life!
*Note I said "on the road to wholeness" not that everything will be immediately hunky-dory! It takes work to find acceptance and to move forward. But acceptance is the first step.
[This post also appears on my new blog, "Coach Kris"]
All my life, I was an athlete, competing in any sport that I could. I honestly don't remember a time when I didn't consider myself an athlete. I competed in all the sports I could find during school and college. After leaving college, I continued to compete in a variety of sports, and working out daily was just part of my life. But then, at age 47, I was struck down by an illness that took all of that away. And by age 56 I was totally disabled and unable to work, and can now barely take care of myself. It was a huge blow to what I had hoped and planned for my life, and it was certainly unfair that it happened! I mean, I was super healthy, ate right, didn't smoke, didn't drink, never did drugs. And yet everything I loved about my life was taken away from me by some stupid disease! All my hopes and dreams were shattered. I was, understandably, quite upset about it all. But through lots of counseling sessions, I came to realize that this new life was my life. I had to learn to adjust to a "new normal" - a life where I have to be so careful with my energy expenditure that I can't shower every day, and I need to limit outings to no more than twice a week. This was my life. It served no purpose for me to keep thinking "But I used to be able to work out 3 hours a day!" Or, "I used to be able to clean the whole house in one go!" Or, "This shouldn't have happened to me!" I had to face facts - I was disabled, and that was now normal for me. I had to accept my new normal. Once I accepted this, I was freed from the comparison game - "But I used to be able to..." and freed from bitterness at the unfairness of it all. I could move forward with life, as best I could, given my new normal.
But - and this is vitally important - accepting my new normal didn't mean I gave up on finding a diagnosis or treatment. It took almost 13 years, but I did finally get a diagnosis, and I am finally on a treatment that is beginning to work. I also didn't give up on finding a purpose for life, and finding joy in life. I just had to pursue these things differently. Instead of finding joy in a great workout, I found joy in a great cup of coffee, or snuggling by the fire, or reading a good book. I found a purpose in becoming a supporter and encourager for others who are facing hard times (hence this blog). I continued to grow spiritually, by reading a wide variety of religious teachers and learning the ways of contemplative prayer. I started meditating, which continues to teach me how to better respond to emotions. In short, I accepted my new life, but I didn't give up on life in general. I decided that since I was going to be sick, I might as well make the best of it. Even if I couldn't get better, I didn't have to get bitter.
So, maybe you're facing health issues, or you have financial problems, or you just feel stuck in a rut. And you think that it's all unfair and you shouldn't be dealing with these problems. And maybe you're right. But you are! The problems are real. And the sooner you accept that the problems exist, and stop comparing your current life with your old one (or with other people's lives), and stop complaining about how unfair it all is, the sooner you can learn to either deal with those problems (if they're fixable) or learn to live despite the problems (if they aren't fixable). Accept reality for what it is, and you're on the road to wholeness.* Accept your new normal, but don't give up on life!
*Note I said "on the road to wholeness" not that everything will be immediately hunky-dory! It takes work to find acceptance and to move forward. But acceptance is the first step.
[This post also appears on my new blog, "Coach Kris"]
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